Lil miss sugar pie-want a taste of it?

I hate having this uneasy feeling… I think I’m gng to lose it if I dunno what causes it…

Is history gng to repeat itself??

It has been a long while right… i have been so busy that i didnt have the time to blog. Work has taken too much of my free time… However, I’ve managed to squeeze this little time i have to blog again…

Basically, many things had happened, especially during this Ramadan. I remember Ramadan every year vividly cos it has always been the same. Mum didnt make a fuss during the first 2 weeks but after that, she starts her nagging and her scolding including vulgarities… Sakit telinga mendegarnya… There is nothing that I do (or even my siblings did) that is right in her eyes. To not make things worse, i just pretend I didnt hear her nagging, its not good to hear such things during this holy month. The last thing i want is to ‘batal’ my fast. Sometimes, i just pretend to go to the shop or take a walk downstairs so to prevent me from saying bad things back. I have thrown away that bad habit (of talking back to her) and i do not want to do that again for I’m a grown up now. I guess I just have to bear with it, eventhough sometimes this emotional abuse can cut me real deep… Sad really sad…

Btw, got a call from Char yesterday, she told us her Grandpa’s gone, he passed away last nite and the wake will be today, tmr and wed. All these while, we have been so busy with our own lives, and it has to take a funeral to get all of us together. Guess I will drop by to visit her family tmr with the other 2. Sad…

It has been a challenging 2 weeks plus Ramadan for me, my heart has been on a rollercoaster ride since the start of this holy month. I think Ive been crying so much that my tears has run dry now. During prayers i ask Allah for forgiveness, for Him to give me the strength to continue doing what I have to do. Life without Asri for the past 3 weeks has been different. It was partly my fault for pushing him away and its only right i get my heart broken. I am not strong but i am still holding on. * Ya Allah, aku redah dengan apa yang terjadi, mungkin ini semua sudah takdir. Berikanlah aku kekuatan dan hati yang tabah. Cekalkan lah hati kecilku ini, kuatkan lah iman aku. Aku menunggu saat Asri kembali kepada ku. Sudah ku memaafkan dia. Lagikan Allah s.w.t. boleh mengampun kan umatnya, apatah lagi kami hambanya. Ku tak mau bersedih lagi. Amin*

I wonder how u r doing. Probably doing fine? I just hope u r getting urself back. I do miss u, not sure if u do. You have been my friend, my guidance, my pillar of strength, my happiness and the love of my life.. I love U….

Woke up to Biee’s msg this morning.. it was a pleasant surprise i must say.. he was already otw to my house with KFC porridge breakfast… so sweet of him, but i knw he was worried abt me, abt my leg ache… abt me not being able to slp last nite..
So sorry to make u worry biee… and i really appreciate ur sweet gesture this morning… i dunno why but i just felt really Special this morning… tks for making me feel loved Biee… i love you!

Woke up to Biee’s msg this morning.. it was a pleasant surprise i must say.. he was already otw to my house with KFC porridge breakfast… so sweet of him, but i knw he was worried abt me, abt my leg ache… abt me not being able to slp last nite..
So sorry to make u worry biee… and i really appreciate ur sweet gesture this morning… i dunno why but i just felt really Speacial this morning… tks for making me feel loved Biee… i love you!

Blink.Blank.Blink.Pain.
My stomach’s churning, my heart is empty…
I know i had these feelings before.. its all so familiar now..
Can you pls stop repeating.. Im tired, i’m mentally drained having to go through all these agn. Just stop it…

Note to self: Breathe slow, count from 1 to 10 with my eyes close… before i make any harsh decision which i will only regret later… test…this is a test!